I Can Write Again!

For you writers out there you may understand this experience I am about to share with you. For months I could not write. I had no desire to write. I tried and tried but I felt like it was a chore and not a passion. I thought if I kept trying maybe I would get back into the mood of writing but nope...nothing. So I laid writing down for a while. I took this time to focus on my spiritual walk with Christ. It was been very intense but I was determined. Since August I have been spending more time in God's word, fasting on a consistent basis, and praying for hours at a time each day. With all of this God has completely transformed my life. He has taken me to another level that I thought unimagineable. In fact, I never imagined myself where I am today...at least not yet.
I have experienced deliverance from strongholds, I can see more clearly, God shows me things in dreams on a consistent basis, I can hear God more clearly, alot of things has been cleaned out of my life. With this transformation God is preparing me to do more to be a leader. Also, I am seeking God for a transformation on the outside. To be a leader I must look like one as well.
So long story short I have COMPLETELY SURRENDERED my life to God. I thought I did before but God showed me I was still holding back. God has given me my passion of writing back. I love it. This gift I have does not belong to me. It belongs to the Lord. I believe God is going to use my passion to bless, set free, and transform many lives around the word.

Lord I dedicate my love for writing to you.

Please use writing as you see fit.

My writing will be used to bring you Honor and Glory.

Please continue to reveal to me Your plans with the gift you have blessed me with.

In Your Mighty Name AMEN!

My New Decision!

One day in May I decided to go natural with my hair. What sparked this? Earlier I chose a healthy eating lifestyle. It was difficult at first but I am sticking with it. I removed junk food out of my diet, I started cooking meals more, and I cut back on the pork I ate. It has made a huge difference in my life. I have more energy. I feel better. So I thought about my hair. My hair was very unhealthy. It was always shredding. I am a college student and a single mom so I don't have the money to go to salon. I was just tired of spending so much time on my hair. So I stopped perming my hair. At first I thought it was going to be really hard. I was surprised because I enjoyed the process. I didn't freak out when my hair was straight around the edges. Each month the new growth grew thicker and thicker and I was loving it. During the process of transitioning I did my research. I asked others for advice and browsed the internet on hair care tips.

This week I cut all my permed hair off. Yes I cut my own hair. I had no clue. I was up about 11:30 at night. I just grab my scissors and began to cut it all off. I can not tell you how happy I am that I cut my hair. It is so easy to manage. I just wash my hair and go. It's like a 10 minute process. There are people who loved my new hairstyle and then there are people who wonder why did I cut my hair. I don't care. I am so happy for the decision I made. It was such a big step in my life.

I am unsure if I will let it grow out or keep it short just yet. There is so much I can do. Right now I am just enjoying the short style.

3 Girls That Touched My Life

Working this summer with children has been the most rewarding experience. As a matter of fact this is the first job I have ever had that I absolutely enjoy waking up everyday to go too. I work Mon-Fri with weekends off. On the weekends I can't wait until Monday to go back to work. It's so amazing.

I love working with children. The thing I love most is making a difference in children lives. There is one particular girl that has really touched my life. She is very beautiful and intelligent. This little girl is 7 yrs old, beautiful dark skin, and thick, shiny black hair. She loves to read & write like I do. This little girl reminds me of my own 7 yr old daughter.

This beautiful girl...doesn't smile and she doesn't play with the other children. She is sad everyday. She has two older sisters that look just like her. They are sad as well. I can see right through these girls...there is something that's not right. I don't know what it is. I am afraid to know the truth. They are so innocent, sweet, well-mannered...Why are they suffering? (I question myself over and over again.)

For the past few days I cried & cried. I realize I have taken on something that I have no control over but my heart was so heavy. My heart aches just thinking about those little girls. I just wanted to take those little girls home with me. Bring them into my own family of 3 children and just care for them the best I can. There was nothing I could do but pray. So that's just what I did. In fact, I had my friends praying for those three little girls.

Today was different. When I went in to work the 7 yr old beautiful girl was smiling and playing. She hugged me so many times today. I was crying with joy on the inside. She was so happy today. So full of life. Her two sisters were still sad...not playing with the other children.

I know if God can change one child's day He is able to change the other two. It was amazing to see how God worked. I am still praying for the other two. I am just so thankful for God placing me at a place where He can use me.

Going Back to My Past for Healing

I really don't know where to began, so here goes... Through the past bible study I attended I realized that I am not completely healed from my past. See I have experienced sexual abuse starting at a very young age by multiple men...none of them strangers. All of them where family members or family friends. I have experienced physical abuse growing up. Also, my dad did a of things that really hurt me. He was a player, sugar daddy, or even better a lady's man. He would bring so many women around me and my brother. I saw it all first hand.

The things I have been through and have seen has caused me to turn bitter towards men. In my head I used to think all men had two motives to control women and to make women there sex slaves. My bitterness towards men would show. I would do say or behave a way subconsciously that would show my anger towards men. The reason I say subconsciously is because the things I do or say was not intentional. The thing is these men I was projecting my anger towards never did anything to me.

Over the years as I have grown closer to God I don't hold that anger I was had. However, it's not completely gone. It's still there. I did not realize this until my boyfriend showed me how I talked about men. I keep denying it at first. I didn't believe it because I thought I had changed and I know longer hold stereotypes or judgments against men. Well, you guessed it. I was dead wrong. The anger is still there. Don't let me get worked up about when a man has done something wrong...it all comes out.

Okay so going back to the healing I need from my past. It's so painful at times. I must go back to the first memory I had being abused, through each and every one, through my healing. I no longer want to hold bitterness and anger inside of me. As I go through this journey I want to realize that each time was not my fault. I am looking to be restored and renewed...recapturing myself.

Please visit my blog often so I can keep you updated!